Bipolar is new every morning, I will say that! I never know what kind of mood I will be in, especially due to the fact that I have rapid cycling bipolar which means my moods change frequently. I don’t like that. Of course it is the depressed mood that is the most dreaded, but then the hypomania is no fun either because you know it leads to depression, and so there you have it…The main symptom even in bipolar is good old depression.
Having said that, I am going through one of my “there has got to be more I can do about this illness that has robbed so much life from me” moods.
I seldom confess to many people besides my husband and my sister that I am in a really low mood. Frankly I get tired of it and don’t want others to get tired of hearing about it. And so I seldom confess to my dear daughters, who are grown women with families of their own, that I am once again depressed! I guess I am still the mother trying to protect her children. But recently I did and with such a lovely result that I wanted to share it with you.
I have been so low for so long lately that I got back into my trying to find something I haven’t tried yet and I have come up with three things (already overkill I know).
1. A book called ” Writing Through the Darkness” by Elizabeth Maynard Schaefer. I will report in a little while and tell you how that is going.
2. Another book called “The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bipolar Disorder” by Sheri Van Dijk covers this DBT I have been hearing a bit about. Again, I will report back later.
3. Tom Wootton is offering an intriguing online course called “Bipolar IN Order” which I have signed up for. I will let you know how that goes too.
I am not yet recommending any of these programs until I have gone through them.
In the meantime, I untypically emailed both daughters and told them what I was up to and asked that they say a few extra prayers for their old mom who was experiencing a particularly low mood. Also I confessed to them that even though I was going to try a few new things, part of me hesitates, just so I don’t have to experience more failure.
One daughter advises “Sounds like you have a mini project on the go with those writing exercises. Maybe you should just focus on that rather than both the course and this book? You know better than I do, but I wouldn’t be able to do both at once. Especially if you are concerned about one not working so well. Just a thought.”
Another daughter encourages “I like hearing about all your readings, findings, literature on bipolar/writing. Very interesting I understand how you might feel like you’ve failed. But you should get a medal for trying all this stuff and not giving up. I know sometimes you do feel like giving up – but you really don’t with all the writing and reading you do. You take breaks but then you always go back to it trying to learn more. Amazing!”.
So had I not confessed my recent depression to them both, I would not have received such wonderful, loving advice and encouragement.
What about you? Do you do that too? Do you usually keep your depression to yourself? You don’t want to be a burden to others. But are we missing an opportunity? Yes, we cannot reach out everyday to whine about our depression. But maybe now and then wouldn’t hurt. Are we denying those who care about us opportunities to reach out if we don’t?
Now I know that reaching out doesn’t always get the positive results that I got. I know we take risks when we reach out. But isn’t NOT REACHING OUT a risk too?
I am so glad you dropped by today!
Join me again at ‘Depression Getaway’ and together we will…
…live, care, laugh, share, learn, discover, forgive and recover.
Don’t give up, I’m praying for you!